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I read in a previous comment you stated that this was not your best piece, but I would beg to differ! I enjoyed this piece very much, as I wandered inside the head of the narrator as they enjoyed a walk in the evening.

What I love most about this piece is the free form that you gave to this, with an extensive use of punctuation to emphasize your point (might I say, when you use dashes, you add two --, otherwise it is just a hyphen). The punctuation provided a melody and rhythm that could be used to read the piece, and the occasional lines of rhyme made the piece feel more natural, as if it was unintentional--as sometimes thoughts lead us to use.

I was not sure if it was a typo or not, but the line of "And see beauty on everything", did you mean beauty in everything? That line seemed to trip me up just a bit.

The part I did not understand at all were the lines regarding gothic literature. It, in my opinion, did not seem to relate at all to the narrative of walking home in the night rain. It suits something else. It snapped me out of the narrative, and into a different tone altogether. In other instances, the narrator used "you", but the way it was used made me think of the narrator speaking to himself. But in that section, it made me think that he was talking to the reader--which made me lose the effect of this somber and almost philosophical nighttime stroll.

Another little typo, "I like the cool breeze in t", it seems that you have an extra little 't' there.

The ending, wow. In this case I refer to the ending of "Now I'm home...", and that absolutely took my breath away, and nearly brought me to tears by such a powerful and abrupt ending. You had me on the edge reading such powerful and beautiful thoughts, but to end it really emphasized to me that we can't spend our entire lives just in thought, in our writings, but instead it should be "best in small doses" and appreciated that way.

Overall, I really enjoyed the piece, I only noticed those couple typos and a rather odd group of lines. But it did not deter me from this piece. I apologize for not having critiqued earlier =P I'm still trying to work through WATCH messages, but I find myself now getting stuck reading through your gallery! You might see some more comments and critiques from me soon! :star:
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RainyhawaiiV2 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, thank you so much. (Sorry for the late reply, only had time to accept.) Yes, both of those points you mentioned were typos that needed to be fixed -- and were. I do realize about the dashes, but word on my computer takes the two and combines them and I just copy past. I'm not sure if I should leave no space in between the words when I do this to fix that or not (it does solve that problem, but I'm not sure if it's then something else, like a hyphen). The part about gothic literature I wasn't sure about so I just left it in there at the time, but you're right. I just couldn't see why it didn't fit before, thank you.

I'm really grateful for this and all your help and praise here. :) Thank you so very much. :)
CelestialMemories Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, yes, copypasta strikes again.

And you are very welcome. I am glad I could be of some use! :)
RainyhawaiiV2 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Very much so.
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